While I strive to never be tardy, sometimes life takes me in unexpected directions and priorities have to be shifted. I suppose this is my very uneloquent way of saying that I am long overdue for a new post. My sincerest apologies! Not that it is any excuse, but I did get engaged and work has been occupying my time around the clock. Hopefully this crazy adventure is entertaining enough to be worth the wait, and I promise to post another this week.
Mile Three -- The Borrower
In the last three years, I have logged over 350,000 miles on American Airlines alone. Aside from possessing a keen understanding of which flights are constantly delayed, I have developed a pattern that feels almost like second nature when it comes to flying. I know the best places to find decent snacks and good books in most airports and always have plenty of work in case I have to spend more than three dreaded hours sitting on the tarmac.
I have also come to understand that there is an unspoken code of conduct that passengers are expected to follow when traveling by air. No, I don’t mean how to avoid the buzzer in the security line, but more how to ensure you, and those around you, have an enjoyable flight.
A good rule of thumb is don’t bring food soaked in garlic or onions on board. If you do, rest assured that your seatmate will hate you and even more importantly, you will be dubbed “the stinker” for the duration of the flight. Or, if you don’t know the person next to you, avoid raising the arm rest between your seats. It’s a little too close for comfort, and frankly, a little creepy.
So, knowing this code of conduct, I recently had the misfortune of meeting someone who broke every rule. I wanted to write Emily Post’s rules for airplanes and give this guy 10 copies.
So here’s the story…
I was taking a flight home from DC and was pleasantly surprised to hear that after a very long day, I had been upgraded to first class. Oh the warm nuts and the hot towels, it felt like watching the sun part through the clouds.
When I sat down, I smiled when I noticed my seatmate was wearing scrubs. Given my recent need for medical attention while in flight, I figured this had to be a great sign.
Once we took off, “the doc” removed his shoes and his socks. I get it, I really do, doctors are on their feet all day. I know because I love Grey’s Anatomy and I too carry a pair of emergency flip flops in every bag. However, I couldn’t help but notice that I was now seated next to the stinker, minus the sandwich.
Once the nuts were delivered, I decided despite the odor it was all worth it. I was completely and utterly engrossed in my book when I looked over to see that my nuts were disappearing at a rapid rate. Gee, did I skip lunch? And then I caught him. My neighbor was pretending to reach for his empty jar of nuts but was instead reaching into mine. Now, I am all about sharing but quantities are limited while in flight.
I decided that with dinner on the way, he could just have them. I picked out all the almonds anyway.
I also made a command decision to put down the book and focus a little more attention on keeping an eye on my things.
I pulled out my iPod and tried to relax. Three songs in, I moved into the zone and was loving me some Jason Mraz when I felt a tap on my shoulder. “What is that?”
Now, I know that some people don’t embrace technology but how can you live in the United States in 2009 and not know an iPod? Despite the fact that this man looked to be in his early 50s, I channeled my lovely grandmother and thought that I suppose it could be possible.
I did my best to explain that it was a music player full of songs downloaded from the internet (fortunately, he had heard of the internet).
He then took it from me and proceeded to stick my earbuds into his ears. OK, first the nuts and now the earbuds. Gross! Once he settled on a tune, he asked me if he might borrow it. Hmph, well, thanks for at least asking first. I couldn’t help but notice that he flipped through my music list like a pro. I am such a sucker.
Just before dinner arrived, I stepped into the aisle to grab my flip flops and visit the restroom. When I returned to my seat holding my heels, my seatmate was reading my US Weekly and listening to my iPod. I felt like hanging a sign around my stuff that said “Privacy Please.”
In that instant, he went from “the doc” to “the borrower.”
I decided the best way to avoid losing the remaining contents of my bag was to make conversation with this unique individual. I asked the borrower what kind of job he had in the medical profession. He explained that he didn’t have one, he just liked scrubs. Hmmm, how interesting.
Finally, dinner arrived. After a few bites, I moved from my salad to my main course of lasagna. The borrower then looked from my salad to my roll and said, “Are you going to eat that?” at approximately the same moment he removed my roll from my plate.
I began to wonder if I was on some sort of candid camera TV show. I mean, really, it had to be a prank or this guy was from Mars.
In the next hour, the borrower ate my chocolate chip cookie, filled out my crossword puzzle and read the first chapter of Shopaholic Ties the Knot (I suppose he was a fan of chic lit).
As we approached the airport, I began to take a thorough inventory of my belongings. As I reached down to put on my shoes, he said, “What kind are those?”
